A Warrior Vision

“The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.”
-- Don Juan, Mexican shaman (quoted by Carlos Castaneda)

I like this quote about being a warrior, I think the attitude spoken of is also descriptive of the how to have more happiness and hope in life, mostly in not seeing life as being laden with "curses" or trials.
Life is just life- the second you believe that everything will be better when... Or if... you have set yourself up for disappointment and sorrow. Life is always going to be harder than you would like, and is seldom follows the plan you have set out.
But, life is also full of little miracle. You have to accept the challenges and not take notice of each curse so your heart and soul is open to the blessings and miracles.
When you learn to take notice of the blessings I think you will find they are more numerous than the challenges.

I can't find the words...

Today I wanted to post a tribute- I have been thinking about so many people who I know and love who have been effected by cancer, and I wanted to say something about it all.  I can't seem to find the right words or tone to express what I feel, so I am taking that as a sign.  I am going to skip that post and focus on what I really need to think about tonight- tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the big day, it is the treatment that is going to arrest the highest number of cancer cells.  The long needles and fat syringes are going to be full of White Knight Warriors, all with marching orders from which they will not deviate.  Tomorrows treatment may be powerful and strong, but I will be stronger.  I will enjoy the play and the weekend.  I will breeze through 3 days of work next week and enjoy THE BEST HOLIDAY- THANKSGIVING!

Tomorrow is treatment!  I gotta get my head in it, get my game face on, and get ready to kick cancer!
I am going to create an affirmation routine and I am going to really focus on positive imagery instead of the temporarily crippling pain of the shots.  I am going to load some pictures of my greatest supporters on my iPhone and I am taking you with me to treatment.  We are in this together.  Would you like your picture loaded into my group of greatest supporters? Post it!

Positive mojo of the day...

There is something good about cancer- the snail mail.  It is so much fun to go to the mailbox and find something besides junk mail, advertisements, marketing letters and postcards and other junk.  I love the cards and packages we have received.  It is cheerful for the whole family.  So, thank you.
I am really looking forward to getting your Christmas cards.  I like the ones with family pictures best (hint, hint)

And, I am looking forward to seeing MP when he is home too.

I'd Fall on a Bee for You - Another Warrior Ended Her Battle

Today I am so sad.  It is so hard to imagine growing old, and outliving the statistics of this stupid disease.  Today I am so sad. It is so hard to imagine growing old and outliving the statistics of this stupid disease.

Today a dear friend of mine, one I have known longer than I have known cancer in either of our lives, passed away. Her blog has the greatest quote "I'd fall on a bee for you". She would do that too. She is that kind of friend. She is good and sweet. She is gentle and would think of saving you from something horrible like a bee, I mean- she would want to protect you from tiny pain or giant pain.

I have a tough time recalling the details, but she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer a while ago, about 6 years. Sadly, her fight never gave her a break. Her cancer cells made clones of themselves with wild abandon. No treatment could seem to stall out their progress.

I am so sorry to hear this news. I seemed to sense it was happening. About 2 weeks ago I felt a compelling need to reach out to her. I sent a letter, and then checked in with a mutual friend. That is how I learned that the treatments had worn her to a point that an acceptable quality of life was no longer possible. Hospice had been called; time was short.

I am so glad that she is finally done with the fight against cancer. This amazing woman fought for a long, long time. She was able to recently see her youngest, and last, child be married.

WAIT-

Isn't it crazy the way we look for the good things when we see tragedy? Well, the truth is this... She will miss out on Grandbabies and time with a great husband. Her kids are missing out on a wonderful Mom and Grandma. She shouldn't have to die from a disease that has been forcing pain and horror on lives for centuries. We should have something to show for all the loss that cancer has already caused.

Why can't we figure this out? Why can't we stop cancer?

Last night I saw a special on open heart surgery. The first open heart surgeries were possible because of hypothermia. By inducing hypothermia doctors had about 8 minutes of time to operate on an open heart. When that wasn't long enough they found another solution. Now, they perform miracles through complex open heart surgery using bypass machines and save lives - save families from premature separation forced by death. But cancer is still a ridiculous, out-of -control disease that we have few methods of tempering.

I HATE CANCER! I HATE WORRYING ABOUT IT! I HATE SEEING PEOPLE I LOVE NOT OUTLIVE IT! I HATE CANCER!!!

Why are we still victim to cancer? Why do I have to fear dying too young and having my children raised by their father? He has failed them in so many ways; I can't imagine leaving their lives in his hands.

All I want is to be their Mom. I make employment decisions based on it. I was all set to lead a Girl Scout troop for one kiddie; I was homeroom mom for another last year. I was trying to provide sports, dance, etc classes for them. All I needed was health on my side. Why do I have to fight this instead of be Mom.

I am scared of dying too young. I want to believe that I will be one of those metastatic cancer patients who become NED (no evidence of disease) but the odds are out of my favor. And today is a reminder that sometimes we don’t get to live.

Ugh, Did I mention I HATE CANCER!!!

So, what can I do about it? -Just hold on to a wing and a prayer. Maybe I will get to be one of those who do become NED. Maybe I will get to raise my babies and rock theirs one day. -That is my dream. Maybe someone will find the missing key to controlling cancer, and we will be able to manage our cell growth like we manage our hearts. Maybe we will see a miracle. Maybe today's sad news will not be a type of my future, or the future of far too many warriors. Maybe.

Dear Miss G, I am sorry you died, but that sadness is for those who are left behind. I am happy for you; you are free of chemo, pain, illness, and limitations of cancer. I know one day you be reunited with your family again. All those lost moments of life on earth will be made up for in having your family for eternity.  I would step on a bee for you.

Love, Kel