I'd Fall on a Bee for You - Another Warrior Ended Her Battle

Today I am so sad.  It is so hard to imagine growing old, and outliving the statistics of this stupid disease.  Today I am so sad. It is so hard to imagine growing old and outliving the statistics of this stupid disease.

Today a dear friend of mine, one I have known longer than I have known cancer in either of our lives, passed away. Her blog has the greatest quote "I'd fall on a bee for you". She would do that too. She is that kind of friend. She is good and sweet. She is gentle and would think of saving you from something horrible like a bee, I mean- she would want to protect you from tiny pain or giant pain.

I have a tough time recalling the details, but she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer a while ago, about 6 years. Sadly, her fight never gave her a break. Her cancer cells made clones of themselves with wild abandon. No treatment could seem to stall out their progress.

I am so sorry to hear this news. I seemed to sense it was happening. About 2 weeks ago I felt a compelling need to reach out to her. I sent a letter, and then checked in with a mutual friend. That is how I learned that the treatments had worn her to a point that an acceptable quality of life was no longer possible. Hospice had been called; time was short.

I am so glad that she is finally done with the fight against cancer. This amazing woman fought for a long, long time. She was able to recently see her youngest, and last, child be married.

WAIT-

Isn't it crazy the way we look for the good things when we see tragedy? Well, the truth is this... She will miss out on Grandbabies and time with a great husband. Her kids are missing out on a wonderful Mom and Grandma. She shouldn't have to die from a disease that has been forcing pain and horror on lives for centuries. We should have something to show for all the loss that cancer has already caused.

Why can't we figure this out? Why can't we stop cancer?

Last night I saw a special on open heart surgery. The first open heart surgeries were possible because of hypothermia. By inducing hypothermia doctors had about 8 minutes of time to operate on an open heart. When that wasn't long enough they found another solution. Now, they perform miracles through complex open heart surgery using bypass machines and save lives - save families from premature separation forced by death. But cancer is still a ridiculous, out-of -control disease that we have few methods of tempering.

I HATE CANCER! I HATE WORRYING ABOUT IT! I HATE SEEING PEOPLE I LOVE NOT OUTLIVE IT! I HATE CANCER!!!

Why are we still victim to cancer? Why do I have to fear dying too young and having my children raised by their father? He has failed them in so many ways; I can't imagine leaving their lives in his hands.

All I want is to be their Mom. I make employment decisions based on it. I was all set to lead a Girl Scout troop for one kiddie; I was homeroom mom for another last year. I was trying to provide sports, dance, etc classes for them. All I needed was health on my side. Why do I have to fight this instead of be Mom.

I am scared of dying too young. I want to believe that I will be one of those metastatic cancer patients who become NED (no evidence of disease) but the odds are out of my favor. And today is a reminder that sometimes we don’t get to live.

Ugh, Did I mention I HATE CANCER!!!

So, what can I do about it? -Just hold on to a wing and a prayer. Maybe I will get to be one of those who do become NED. Maybe I will get to raise my babies and rock theirs one day. -That is my dream. Maybe someone will find the missing key to controlling cancer, and we will be able to manage our cell growth like we manage our hearts. Maybe we will see a miracle. Maybe today's sad news will not be a type of my future, or the future of far too many warriors. Maybe.

Dear Miss G, I am sorry you died, but that sadness is for those who are left behind. I am happy for you; you are free of chemo, pain, illness, and limitations of cancer. I know one day you be reunited with your family again. All those lost moments of life on earth will be made up for in having your family for eternity.  I would step on a bee for you.

Love, Kel