The look of Stage IV Cancer

I have read a variety of blogs and comments about how stage IV cancer patients look. It is often confusing to friends and family to see someone with cancer. There is a hollywood image of cancer patients that is a little scary looking: a hollow look, grey-ish skin, bones protruding from an incredibly skinny body, etc.  But, cancer doesn't always look like that; often cancer patients look so average, well if the hair thing doesn't tip you off.
With many chemo cocktails used to treat Breast Cancer the anti-nausea drugs and those given to prevent a reaction include steroids.  Most breast cancer survivor blogs I read include discussion of treatment weight gain from steroids.  So, there you are with cancer, and plumping up like the goodyear blimp.
Cancer treatment can also change your taste buds. Plus, eating healthful foods becomes more important as you are trying to fuel your immune system, and your appearance improves.
In fact, when I was being treated the first time, after I found a good medical team, I think I looked pretty good.  Here I am with one of my sisters.

Me and My sister- first time in treatment - 5 years ago.

This was pretty early in treatment. I had lost my hair (obvious, right?) but still had some eyelashes. My skin still has a glow and my eyes are bright.  I really good wig and some false lashes I could have fooled most people about my cancer.
I am looking pretty healthy now, and friends are often surprised saying I look better than they expected.  I am glad to hear that I am looking pretty good, thank you.
I think this is due to several things: help from family, focusing on getting more fruit and veggies, which as been easier with the green smoothies, and the fabulous meals our friends have brought.  I love it when my friend, a nurse, brings nice meals with a focus on fruits with antioxidants.  She is so thoughtful to include that little boost to help.  I have also been tremendously blessed in many, many more ways.
Of course enjoying a LONG weekend is really good for everyones health.  I bought some new jammies for the kiddies this weekend, super warm ones along with slipper socks.  They were so cuddly warm they even slept in!
Stage IV cancer can look so average.  Depending on the current treatment, how long you have been in treatment, your support system and other factors, a cancer patient can look like any one out there.
You probably don't feel like an average person though.  I feel like I'm walking a fine line between wherever I am and a really bad prognosis.  I am sure I will get well this time, there is zero question in my mind that I will be NED (no evidence of disease), but I am not sure if I will get there on this treatment or if I will have to use chemo.  I am hopeful but nervous.
I don't know if or when the doctors will find new tumors.  I hope to be into the next decade of my life, maybe even older before I am told that I need treatment again.  I hope if the cancer comes back it will grow someplace less vital to my wellbeing- like my bones, as compared to my liver, lungs or brain.  But, for now, I have to stay the course.
I have a test on Thursday.  Hopefully the results show there isn't an increase in the tumor marker, or progression of tumor growth.  Then the next test, in a month, should show a drop in the tumor markers as the treatment drugs will have had time to attack and act on the tumors.  These results would show successful response to the treatment.
I will have monthly blood tests to pass, and every three months I will have bone scans to track the activity (and as time goes on, lack of activity) in my bones.  What we want is for this to take me to the point of no activity or NED which is theoretically guaranteed with my current diagnosis.
Once I reach this point I just hold on, with a hope and prayer, for as long as I continue to be NED.  Maybe when I get rid of the tumors in my bones I will start introducing myself as "Ned"because I will be proud to have that diagnosis as long as God will let me keep it.
So for now, I will use positive thinking, guided imagery, and all the drugs the onc and I agree will help.  I am cleaning the trouble and stress out of my life so my body can use more energy to making me well.  And, I am going to enjoy Christmas.  I love Thanksgiving- because it leads into Christmas and it is also the feelings of Christmas without the distractions.
Celebrate with me!  Count your blessings, make your life more positive, and enjoy what life has for you right now.
Love, Kel