Cancer can't stop good

Because, deep down I think we know, all the bad things that can happen in life can't stop us from making our lives good.

I hope you will check out this commercial from Allstate.  I love the wisdom because I beleive - even though bad things happen good things can come from them.

A couple of weeks ago I decided to treat myself to a Spiced Apple Cider (Yummy!) at Starbucks inside Target with a gift card I had received.  In spite of wanting to get home I  waited in the slow moving line for my craving self.  As I waited a little white knight came into my day.


(a white knight is the term I use to describe the miracles of cancer, it comes from my favorite Onc nurse (Lisa at Utah Cancer Specialists - Layton) helping me learn to visualize my healing as she pumped evil chemo into my veins and told me to imagine armies of white knights marching through my body slaying cancer cells)

Behind me a man asked to be forgiven for getting personal, "I noticed you are wearing a turban and I assume it may because you are getting chemo."  (Oh, I am getting sick of looking like cancer.  I wore a long red wig and false eyelashes on Black Friday when I took the kiddies to the mall and no one looked twice or had the look of compassion in their eyes.  As far as anyone knew I was insane for going to the mall - wait, they are insane for going to the mall.  It was nice for ALL of us to just be normal.  But, if I was normal I wouldn't be able to bless the lives of people like this white knight.)  He really didn't need to know what I would suggest to get through chemo.  He needed to tell someone who understands - I am starting chemo in 2 days.  I am scared.  I am supposed to get on a plane two days after that.  I don't want my life to stop.  I don't want to hold myself over a bucket for days.

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?  PLEASE - TELL ME THE DOCTORS AREN'T LYING.  TELL ME IT WILL BE OK!

And, luckily I can tell him IT IS GOING TO BE OK!  You can get through chemo.

I am so blessed to be able to help others get through cancer, in some little way. I know how much someones help means and I am grateful to make the road easier for someone else.

I have just learned that a person who has become very central to my life has a relapse of cancer.  It is a rare cancer, if I am correct it is called Pseudomyxoma Peritonei.  It is a terrible rare cancer with minimal research and less understanding for treatment options and a cure.  For everyone who has prayed for me, please pray for my friend, I am leaving the name out for privacy sake.

Dear friend - know that Cancer can't stop us from making our lives good!  God will brings blessings he could not have offered without the (rotten) circumstances cancer brings.

Make life good!
Love - Kel

A down week

Tomorrow I have to go back to the Chemo Pharm, or as one patient called it last week as I was leaving Purgatory. I am just not feeling very well though.  Usually I am feeling pretty good 2-3 days before I go back for more chemo, but this week I have just dragged and dragged.  Today I even worked from the comfort of my bed much of the day.  I am anxious about getting another dose of meds tomorrow.  Will it knock me down more? Am I getting sick, and if I am what will the drop in my white blood cells do to me?  Oh bother!
It's time for Miss Gae's thankful game.
I am so blessed.  I have the sweetest kids, I love wearing my cozy jammies and - lucky me - my mommy made me a chemo blanket that is so warm.  It really is a genius invention that she created when I got cancer again.  She knew what I would need to make it more comfortable. I have a good job with great co-workers who are very understanding and a company that respects employees who balance getting their work done and managing life.  And, I love my iPad.

Hi AM! Plus; Don't... over spilled milk.

First... a shout out to AM, an awesome cancer warrior!  And this great little clip.  May millions of moms be spared having a daughter with cancer.

Second... the story of spilled milk. (reader beware - this is 90% therapeutic complaining via blog)

I was zipping through the streets of motherhood - picking up a child from an evening youth church activity and a call came through on my phone.  It was a sweet little daughter, the one I instructed to take the new gallon of milk I just brought home and put it in the fridge.

"Uh, mom?" "Yes" "Uh, hi.  Uh, I kind 'a broke the milk."  The storyteller goes on to explain about 1/3 of the milk was no longer in the jug  - the broken jug.  And, BUMMER, it didn't spill on the kitchen floor, but rather into the carpet.

I don't know if I have prevented the threat of having a home that smells like rotten milk.  I used vinegar and the wet/dry vac to clean up as much as I could.  Does vinegar counteract the enzymatic stench of milk?  Are there any chemists out there?  Or expert stain extractors?  What should I do?

But, like every moment in life, there are blessings to be found if we just look the right way...
The good things...
1. Victory for me - I was one cool cat when I learned the milk broke.  No freaking out, yelling, blaming, or grumbling.  After all, no use screaming over spilled milk.
2. Hey, we have milk - not everyone has the convenience of buying milk any time they want from the grocery store of their choice.
3. The sweet daughter jumped in and helped with the clean up - before I got home and also when I gave more directions at home.
4. After using the wet/dry vac to clean the milk I had to wash it out, so I cleaned that out.
5. All of this inspired getting the dishwasher running and another load of laundry.

Seriously, if anyone knows how to keep from having the smell of rotten milk become the dominate smell in my house, please leave a comment!

Love, Kel

A Warrior Vision

“The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.”
-- Don Juan, Mexican shaman (quoted by Carlos Castaneda)

I like this quote about being a warrior, I think the attitude spoken of is also descriptive of the how to have more happiness and hope in life, mostly in not seeing life as being laden with "curses" or trials.
Life is just life- the second you believe that everything will be better when... Or if... you have set yourself up for disappointment and sorrow. Life is always going to be harder than you would like, and is seldom follows the plan you have set out.
But, life is also full of little miracle. You have to accept the challenges and not take notice of each curse so your heart and soul is open to the blessings and miracles.
When you learn to take notice of the blessings I think you will find they are more numerous than the challenges.

Winning with hot flashes

Hot flashes and night sweat cause by hormone fluctuation can be such a great thing, especially when they wake you up 2-3 hours after going to bed. By then you have had a refreshing nap and you can really take advantage of the nocturnal interruption.
Here are some great thing I got out of them tonight.
1. I woke just before midnight, so I was awake to notice the passing of my last day as a 36 year old. I was the first person to wish me an "on date" happy birthday.
2. I watched a movie.
3. I gathered the trash and cleaned off the table and counters. Hoarders might not film at my house this week.
4. Upon waking and wringing out my night shirt I say, "yes! I will be a pound lighter on the scale in the morning with this stupid water-weight out of me."
5. I had time to think about how awesome my kids are. I thought about each one and why I live to be their mom.
6. I thought about my awesome brother, I just love him. It's kinda tough, because he is 14 years younger; I had a lot of years when I could take him out of his crib and rock him when I wanted to let him know I love him. Now he is across the country, or stationed across the world in a war zone sometimes. I can't find a way to replace rocking the baby brother by sending letters, texts, videos and FB posts. I love you man!!!
7. I thought about all my sisters. I really have been so blessed. If I didn't keep getting in this tango (or tangle) with cancer I would probably never have been in a position to see their love for me in such special circumstances. I thought about a sis who rents a lot of space in my head- I thought about how precious she is to the family, to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I thought of how much G and G J love her and a neat role they got to play in her life.
8. I thought about Mom and Dad. I already have tears clouding my sight, so to keep it simple, I stand amazed at their love as parents. I am so grateful that they are alive. I am still just their little girl in some ways and I can't do it all alone yet. I have thought about the 10+ more years I have had with my dad than he got with his dad. My G&G M died pretty young.
9. I thought clearly about the fact I have been really mean to me lately. Ignoring ear, sinus and respiratory infections with a bronchitis bonus because I am trying to do too much. Again- thinking this through might have freed me to cope better and now hoarders isn't filming at my house this week.
10. I am now back in bed, ceiling fan rollin around and I am telling the world that night sweats and hot flashes ROCK!!!

Maybe I can sweat off another pound before the alarm goes off because I don't go to the gym and I ate mini robins eggs while cleaning the counter.

Love, Kel

Blog-cation Over - Thinking of a Disney Cruise

You have all noticed that I took a blog-cation.  There was no medical reason for this - thank you for all you worry and care- I am doing well and just having summer.

We have faced a couple big challenges lately:

1. The new regime (read here for details) is pretty wicked sometimes and totally mild other times. I have been through the terrible rash I blogged about a while back.  Shortly after that there was a couple days with mouth sores so bad!  Oh those things are the worst.  But, I have been doing well lately other than some issues that are neither visible nor meant for public discussion.  But, in spite of the drama the tumor markers fell last month- and in a week or so we will know what the net result of this month will be, but I feel bravely optimistic.
2. Lost of heartache over being the child of divorced parents at our house lately.  We are working through that, but it just adds to the weight I must carry.  Thankfully I do not carry it alone.
3. The EX has left a huge unpaid debt with my name attached so I will have to take care of it before the creditor takes action against me.  But, it will be another notch in my belt of overcoming unbelievable odds when it is over.  And, the kids will be teaching swimming lessons with me to help get a bit more money together.  It is great to be able to teach them the value of work and money.

I am thinking about planning a cruise sometime in the future.  It may be a while before I am ready to go financially and also so the kids are older, but I wonder about others experience of cruising with kids.  I think a Disney Cruise would be a great kid-friendly choice.  And, they leave from Galveston, TX - not far from home.

What do you think? Have you cruised with kids?  Maybe Disney would take us as guests if I blog for them about the trip.

Finally, the most recent edition of O Magazine is loaded with quizzes, they are fun and silly.  One is based on mapping out a typical day and then an ideal day which includes some of the activities you would like to do but don't.  I guess it had an impact on me because I dreamed about it that night.  So, I am thinking of ways to really include some of my ideals in the busy schedule of life by cutting out of those things that aren't valuable.  


Now that I am back I hope you are all well.  Love to my dear friends, Kel