65 and baseball

A long time ago I was asked what my dream car is. I answered anything that I own out-right. What a boring answer. Finally I have a good answer. It is a '65 mustang. I want either Tropical Turquoise or Twilight Turquoise Metallic and Palamino interior and while a convertible would be wild fun I might choose the fastback. 

Wait, I would choose the tropical turquoise exterior on a convertible but the twilight on a fast back. The one thing I would demand is a good sound system and A/C. Then I would drive fast on a quiet two-lane highway with the music cranked up. I would be free out there - no stress, just me, my car, my diet coke and singing at the top of my lungs. I would visit New England in the fall, Padre in the summer for the turtle release and San Fran anytime. I would drive leisurely along the old Route 66 and not eat in a single chain restaurant along the way. That's the whole car dream, and it is a tantalizing vision. 

What else have I figured out about myself? I like security. I am scared of risk and this was made clear again to me as I watched the Yankees play tonight. 

I have been preparing for football season by getting to know the game and relearning everything Coach Jensen taught me in 7th grade PE which was long forgotten by 8th grade. The whys of this learning is for another post. But, having learned which channel is ESPN I land there sometimes now. 

I tuned In to ESPN during the 6th inning. Yankees up 3-0 against the socks. Things are looking pretty ok. But, as soon as the red socks score I begin to feel panic. If they can score once then they can score again, then they only need one more to tie it up. And, just like that we are tied and risking the game. I don't want to watch them loose. I spent the rest of the next couple of innings reminding myself it won't change the orbital path of the earth of the Yankees loose. 

Guess what, it isn't just sports. I hate it when the month and the bills match up. I need more money than month. I don't really like slow and steady progress in my cancer treatment. I want a big win followed by overwhelming evidence that I beat cancer. I like the Boy Scout motto, always be prepared. I like goals, checkpoints and check marks. And, I making a plan and working to the plan. I like to dig in and blow the timeline out of the water.

I llike to succeed, and the bigger the better.  I like a challenge, but not a trial. 

I wonder if articulating it will make any difference in how my life plays out.  Probably not, maybe I should go back to my daydreaming about my dream car.