Scarves... and how they can change your life!

When you see this... you know you are looking at a cancer patient.

I guess I don't really think about it - cancer I mean, but I see it in peoples eyes when I walk around the building at work.  I work for a very large corporation with a sea of cubicles. When going to the restroom or cafeteria it is common to see people I don't know.  I have seen some several times, others I have never seen.  But they all see me and my 100% cotton or silk hair.  I can read a novel in their eyes. 

They almost always smile now that my hair is fabric.  I work with a lot of engineers who can, stereotypically, walk past without really seeing someone.  Not now.  Sometime I see a look of knowing - like I said before many people know someone who has/had cancer.  Read that story here.  Sometimes I see pitty - that is when I remember - oh yeah - I don't have hair.  

Since loosing a lot of my hair, read about that day here also, and then shaving, my scalp hasn't been in great shape so I don't take my scarves off in public yet.  But the few days I have suffered a heat wave (some call them hot flashes) at work there is no helping going topless.  I think it is a bit shocking for my coworkers to see that still, but they are very gracious.

So, in addition to coming out of the cancer closet, read here, I am now a cancer patient to everyone who sees me.  There is no hiding it now.  And, it does change how people treat you.  Generally the change is positive and empowering. I find most of the time people are concerned.  They want to know if they can help.  And, they think I am amazing.  OK - so some days I think I am pretty amazing too!  I mean, look at everything I am handeling - ROCKSTAR status for sure!  The other truth is that I don't know anything different. 

• I have had cancer since I was 30 years old.  
• I have had cancer since my youngest child was 6 months old.  
• I was receiving hormone therapy when my ex-husband became an ex.  
• I have been in some form of treatment for 7 years.  
• And, now the diagnosis of cancer patient is permanent.  Because, even if I am NED (no evidence of disease) and my blood counts are normal (whatever) I am a stage IV cancer patient. 

Scientifically, there is no turning back for me.  Oh well - that's me.  Spiritually, cancer is a small thing in my life. 
More important than being a cancer patient I am a Christian, mother, friend, and I bring home the bacon!  Cancer is like... a hobby. A hobby that gets in the way of a lot of things. I can say that because my treatments are so successful right now and the side effects of so manageable.  Cancer isn't always a hobby, sometimes it is HELL!

But, today is good.  Another treatment down today - and I managed it during the busiest week of the quarter with grace while managing some long days of working extra at home and the office.  That is a huge success to me.  But, I feel it too.  I can promise I will spend a  hours napping this weekend.  I think it is also time to turn in one of the coupons from my Mother's Day book for breakfast in bed.

Tomorrow is Go Bald for Cancer day.  I am going bald. (lol).  Will you go bald for me?  Or donate?  Learn more here. It is a program I just heard about a few weeks ago.  But, when I saw they support Dr Susan Love's Foundation I joined.  This foundation, in addition to many things is working to build a better database of breast health worldwide.  And, research is vital to Stave IV-ers like me.  ACT With LOVE and join!

To wrap tonight's post, here's a shout out to Football Players at Marsh Valley HS, in Southeastern Idaho.  (lived in the area for years.  Have life long friends there)  These awesome young men approached their coach with the idea of wearing pink in support of cancer at their game tomorrow.  WOW!  There should be some proud parents tomorrow when these young men take the
field.  They have heart and compassion.   
GO Eagles!
I understand these young men where challenged before getting permission to dress in pink and I am happy it worked out.  One day they will be faced with cancer if they have not been already already.  1/4 adults will get cancer.  1/8 women has a risk of developing breast cancer.  1/1000 men will get breast cancer (but I have learned to refer to it as peck cancer - men can believe peck cancer more than breast cancer).  I man I love died of breast cancer. These football players will draw strength from this experience one day.  And tomorrow, cancer patients in the bleachers will draw strength from their support.

 The game is at 7:00 March Valley HS VS Snake River HS.

Loosing hair during chemo

20 days after starting Abraxene: 

My hair is beginning to come out, but it is very minimal now. Here's how it started.  It is just a few strands at first that takes BigSexyHair to BALD-and-BEAUTIFUL.

I probably lost 25x that throughout the day. My scalp is really itchy and is covered with a stinging sensation.  It feels like you are getting a perm (remember the 80s?, perms and claw bangs.  Ya, I did that) and the perm solution is left on a bit long.  It was much the same a couple of years ago when I was taking the red devil.  (I had all the side effects listed here, and more.  It was a powerful (read pain in the ...) drug).  But - it is also a killer, in a good way.

I think the waiting is the worst part. When you find out you are going to loose your hair from chemo you  have to reconcile that fact in your mind.  When you have accepted your new fate, started telling people it is coming, and even buying wigs, scarves, or hats then it feels ok. But when you have done all that and your hair is still there you have time to start getting mad that you are going to loose your hair again and the you have to reconcile. 

A few days ago I ordered some scarves and yesterday I picked up my packages from the post. They are so pretty! I purchased a black and white batiks print and a jewel toned one from headcovers.com. I loved the selection and prices on this site. I definitely recommend them. Next I would like to get something with fall colors. Maybe like this solid beige.  But, I do love prints too, like the stripes.  Maybe even a floral.  Choices!

My new head dresses

I also ordered a wrap from GoodWishes.com.  LOVE THEM!  I am going to write a post about this awesome company and tell you how women with alopecia can get a free wrap or scarf!  I saw the marbled cat
and thought it would look awesome with a black blouse, jeans and gold jewelry.  I love the wild element too - you can't fight a tame fight against cancer.

3rd Abraxene, still my own hair 

Here is the head covering I am sporting now, from my plastic recliner at the chemo pharm.

Treatment went great today.  I really wished there was some Frank Sinatra playing so I would take my dance-partner/IVpole out on the floor between trips to the bathroom.  My tumor markers are doing arial stunts with nose-dives in the 50s this week.  (The normal range is 40-ish.  I was over 300, now under 200 again)  But, treatment takes a long time.  Between signing in, waiting to be called back, vitals, and blood work to be sure I have enough white blood cells for chemo, waiting for the chemo cocktail to be mixed, getting pre-meds, getting chemo, flushing the line, scheduling a follow up... I can't get it under 2 hours.  I really wish I was a nurse.  I would run my own chemo right at my office desk.  It wouldn't bother me at all, but for those who aren't used to the scene it may be distracting.  But really, when you are living with chemo the routine needs to fit into your life a little better.  Stage IV patients are looking at a long term situation.  What a blessing for cancer to become cronic and not fatal.

Now the treatment needs to catch up to patients like me who are the sole-provider for their family, raising young children, and trying to build a future not tiptoeing into retirement or disability.  It isn't home health - it is office health services. (My name is breastcancerwarrior@gmail.com and I approve this message.  I also claim it as my original idea for a business.  I will sue you if you take it!)

BTW - tomorrow is FRIDAY!! :)