Trendy Blood, Coming Out of the Cancer Closet, and Veterans

There it is folks - the line graph that measures my cancer-ous-ness. I know it haven't posted one in a while and I am sure all the statisticians who read my blog have been hungry for this linear art work.

I gave you the "normal" range at the very wee bottom of the graph.  And, as you can see,  
I am an over achiever.  I have a superior level of the antigen named CA 27 29.  (such a scientific name for a steady bedfellow in my life)

So, Xeloda is not tolerable but it is working.  Doesn't that seem like an oxymoron?

When I call Dr J's office and spoke with Nurse S I said, "well, maybe I should tough it out."  She rightly reminded me that if it isn't working for me it isn't working.  I have other options.  Quickly I snapped back into the present and remembered why I called.  I wanted to commit myself to taking the next chemo option.  So I asked her to be sure my pre-auth for Abraxene was in place so that if that's what Dr J and I decide to do on Thursday we are ready to roll.

So, now you have it.  I have found the faith to "pull yourself together girl!  Decide what you are going to do, and do it!  Move forward with surety in your decision.  Show your faith that with God all things are possible."
 
I also decided today that it was time to come out of the closet at work.  I gathered my co-workers in the hall and told them that I am in active cancer treatment and have been for about 8 years.  I explained that it can no longer be a secret because I will likely be bald again, or as my children called it when I went through this before "topless" because there was nothing on top. ~Innocence of being under the age of 5.

I don't want to be bald again - it makes it obvious that I am sick, and I don't want to be seen as that sick girl.  But, when I see the picture of a woman who is bald I feel a kinship and admiration for what she is doing.  I can spot a wig from 20 paces.  And, when I see a bald man, I look to see if he has eyebrows or a 5 o'clock shadow.  If he doesn't, I know I am in the presence of a warrior.

It is the same reverence I feel when I see a man or woman who walks that way and you know they have learned to march in formation.  It is a certain way of moving - it isn't a strut - but sometimes they have that too.  They wear tattoos different than others.  I am guessing because they are often symbolic of a platoon they love or battle they faced.

 
I love veterans, I have 3 in my immediate family - my dad, brother, and brother-in-law.

Plus, I had such an awesome time meeting some of my brothers buddies a couple years ago before he deployed to Afganistan.   It was amazing.  In fact, getting to know them gave me a lot of peace while he was gone.  I could see the devotion and friendship they had, and I knew they had each others backs.

Even with this love I have for vets, I don't know if I can love a vet more than a cancer fighter.  Both have seen war that threatens to demolish what is precious.  Freedom from oppression.  Tearing apart families.  And, both have learned to make that warrior a part of their soul.  They say "hooah" and "semper fi"  we say "have I met my out of pocket?" and "how much is the co-pay?" the meaning between the words is so alike.  We are saying I am not going to give up.