Monday, April 11, 2016

Recovery and transition

The liver surgery was a success! Dr. Gogel is confident that he was able to do enough ablation therapy to get clean margins around the (about) 4 cm Timothy was there.

I did spend more than one night in the hospital. I was actually there until Tuesday rather than going home the preceding Saturday. Why the delay? Pain control. With the pain medication I was taking before surgery because of my back pain it was difficult to provide high enough doses of medicine to knock out the surgical pain. What a challenge! 

In fact, Dr G sent me home with presciptions that had me taking a lower dose of medicine after surgery than before. Needless to say, I had to create a pain management plan based on pre-surgery doses and post surgery expectations. 

It was frustrating as I felt guilty for being on the medicine that my doctors had prescribed and that I needed to control the pain. 
This guilt pushed me to step down my pain medicine so I could get to the dosing expectations of my surgeon. 
It ended up leading to a slew of problems so dramatic we had to make some dramatic changes in life including admitting I couldn't manage the taxing responsibilities of a single parent alone any more. And, from the maternal instinct to protect my children, we have chosen to live with my parents for right now. I could just see the stress of worrying about Mom and my health plus fearfully waiting for the next medical challenge to hit. I also had children who deserved to join in extra curricular activities being stifled because I didn't know from day to day if I would be well enough to drive them from activities home. Although we had wonderful friends willing to help, after a lot of tearful prayers the answer came that we needed full-time help to keep our family functioning as I want it to function and to teach the girls how a loving home should function. I also need help to continue to teach them homemaking skills and to allow them to develop their talents and to excel in the goals they have set. 
No one tells you how hard parenting will be - all the worry about if you are doing right and giving what they need for growing and success in life. 
I am humbled and grateful for family who used their vacation time to come to Texas and care for me when I was so sick. What a beautiful and Christlike charity to think of your extended family members needs and to be an answer to prayer. 
I am humbled by so much service - cleaning and preparing my home to be vacant for an extended time, new car tires, vacation time and plane tickets many purchased in order to make the process as easy on my body as possible. So many generously gave their time and financed travel to help me. There is no end to the goodness my church family also offered. And, how beautiful and humbling to be invited to bring my family into so many others home so I could have the needed support while I go through a season of physical and emotional weakness. 

I look forward to the day I am strong again so I can become the one offering the service, support and opening my home to those in need. 

I love my Savior, Jesus Christ, for his atoning sacrifice that all my burdens can be laid at His feet and I don't have to carry them. 

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