Thursday, December 3, 2015

Huge update

It has been about a month since my last update, and it has been very busy on the cancer front. 
I got some radiation on my right hip where the MRI showed tumor in the bone marrow. The relief wasn't like last time, last time it was almost instant, it made a difference within days and lasted for months. This time the pain didn't go away quickly and it was probably the pain killers and steroids that controlled out for the days when I didn't have pain.
However, I am going to take this as a good sign about the tumor. I am going to believe that this particular tumor isn't in too bad of shape since radiation didn't solve the pain. So the tumor wasn't causing pain. I may be unscientific and not sound reasoning, but I don't have to think in solid arguments all of the time.
I am so blessed to be able to take short term disability from work. I couldn't imagine how I could have been a good or equitable employee right now. I surely have days when I feel guilty for being away from the office, but it isn't long before God reminds me that there is no way for me to do more right now. I am learning a lot about accepting physical limitations and He is the teacher. 
All of this leg pain has reawakening my fear of losing the use of my legs at some time. I have no reason for this fear, but it is real just the same, so I slowly work through what that would mean in my life. If I were to be paralyzed what would I have to do? What would I have to change? How would I cope? How would I continue to be me? As I think through this I am more prepared for this or another challenge I may face. 
I got a little reprieve and rest; I spent Thanksgiving with family. It gave me a couple of weeks of parents and siblings helping with the children and helping me too. It ended up being physically challenging. 
A few days into the trip I was in the ER with my leg. They ran a fresh MRI and verified again the the tumors in my spine aren't the likely cause of the pain. The best guess is that it is nerve damage. I can't see the spine surgeon until next week. His scheduler squeezed me in between two surgeries to make it happen. I am willing to do about any treatment to fix the problem and get my legs back!!
Send up any prayers on my behalf and that the doctor will be inspired to choose a treatment that will cure this problem. 

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