Treatment aftermath

After chemo today I couldn't get home fast enough. The whole process was slow today and When I finally left I was feeling less than my best. 

My favorite nurses weren't there.  Christina transferred to the Irving office, and I am going to miss her. 

Her deep belly laugh and sweet heart. 

And Miss H was on vacation with her family. So, new nurses were being trained and they just started using a new medical software. 

Today was my first of two doses in the cycle and followed an extra week off. Sometimes that extra week off impacts my response to chemo. Today's that meant having the scarf on my head make my skin crawl. Everything touching my skin was bothersome. Thankfully I am a linen snob. I rushed home and climbed into luxuriously soft sheets and slept it off for a while. 

I wanted to go get a little exercise, but I don't think I can make it tonight. Everytime I think like this I remember reading Lance Armstrong's story about cancer in his book "it's not about the bike". He was taking one of those life-sucking chemos- the ones that leave you barely functional. He was also still in denial, so he went out to ride his bike. After repeated falls he couldn't even get up, so he had to call home and have someone come get him. I don't want to colapse on the side of the road, but I do find his dedication inspiring. And, this summer I committed to myself that I will be active as part of my holistic approach to treatment. 

During the year I save my energy to be a mom, but with the kids off in their own summer activities it doesn't matter if work and exercise are the only thing I can manage- I have no other responsibilities. So, I guess I just talked myself into some exercise tonight. Then it will be back to sleep.  Wild weekend night, eh?

Another reason to push myself- I am finally ready to start dating again. It has been a long time since the divorce- but I wanted to be sure I could have a different type of relationship. And, most of that time I didn't want to be in a relationship again. Too much vulnerability. 

I don't think a lot of men (any men) want to date a woman with cancer, so I have to kick this and grow some hair. Keith, my other nurse, doesn't think they would care. What do you think?