I guess I can...

Once upon a time there was a little engine with a huge job.  In spite of doubt and fear the little engine engaged the task ahead and used the mantra "I think I can, I think I can" and succeeded!

Once upon a time there was a won am with many huge jobs.  With all the mounting pressure, stress of raising children alone, paying the bills, and keeping lunch boxes stocked she tried each day to engage the tasks ahead and keep moving up the hill, but each day her mantra and faith was tested.

So many kind friends asked if she was ok.  They encouraged her and assured her that her success was evident, but each night she lodged herself against the pressure of her tasks so the bundle wouldn't roll back to the bottom of the hill.  Many were willing to bear her burden, but she had to do it alone.  No one could raise the children, pay the bills, carry health insurance, endure the side effects of cancer treatment, or take away the pain.  As the struggle grew and the pressure mounted she struggled more and more to lay her burden at the Lord's feet.  Not being able to give her burden to The One only magnified gravity.  Where can I turn for peace?

Where do we turn for peace when our soul is weak and we have nothing left? (You may enjoy reading the lyrics to a Hymn "Where can I turn for peace" and learning of its origin here)

These feelings and thoughts have lead to the change in my mantra; for now, "I guess I can..." because I have to and because I trust my Heavenly Father intends for me to live.

I don't think I can, because I know I can not.  Alone, I would choose to quit.  I am tired and broken. I don't want to suffer with mouth sores any more.  I don't want to feel tired and sick as a result of taking medicine.

I don't know I can, even with The Lord.  My faith is taking a beating.  ~ Let me be more clear~ my faith in my strength is taking a beating.

But, I guess I can~ because I know I have to live for my children.  They need there mom to raise them. And the only way I can do that is if I get up each day, push down the doubt and tears, brush my teeth and go to work.