My Thought on Real Men

I have been lost in my thoughts lately.  I spend a fair amount of time analyzing my faith in God, wondering what I have done wrong with my health, confused about why my life is like it is, and wondering what it would have been like if I had married someone who would have been a faithful friend and partner so I wouldn't be doing all of this alone.

The sick thought, completely unassociated with love and caring, that raises this questions... what if I didn't have to be sure to keep my health insurance?  What choices could I make, would I make? What if someone else paid the bills, would I consider treatment somewhere outside Dallas?

I sat in church today, getting ready to make my tithing donation, and hoping with all faith that it would help bring miracles into my life.  I saw a man with his donation in his shirt pocket, and thought, wow- does he pay tithing?  Does his wife have to coax him?  Then I realized, there are men who live lives dedicated to gospel principles and who follow the teachings of Christ - in fact they lead their families.  As an adult, I never had that, I didn't have someone leading or helping.

All of this brought  a dose of self pity.

To the men reading this: are you doing your best for your family?  Are you being the right father, husband, and leader?  If they feel like you aren't or if you feel like you aren't, then make it right.  Don't be a burden, be a man.  Put away childish things and own your responsibility.

By always looking to do the least required of you by law (in the case of x-spouses), by your boss at work, your God, your family, etc you are hardly deserving of the least reward.  Deserving of their least love, affection and respect.

I know of a dad who pays $150/month/child in state ordered child support.  He doesn't pay his bills, so his ex-wife pays to support the children (nearly alone), she pays her bills, and she pays the bills assigned to him in the divorce because he won't and she knows the debtors could come after her.  She says if that happened she probably would loose her home.  She is also a cancer fighter with stage iv cancer.
She keeps going, not thinking about what if the cancer kills her, because she doesn't have the time.  Nor does she have the luxury of letting her guard down while she indulges her self-pity.  I don't know how she does it.

She said having cancer now, unlike when she was married, is better in some ways.  She doesn't have to worry if he is emptying their bank account behind her back.  She doesn't worry that he is unfaithful to her.  She said life before was filled with so much worry and fear.  Now she is free.

So, like her, I am free now too.  I lay my burden at Jesus feet because there is not much more I can do.  Easter is a miraculous event this year.  I know Christ died for my sins, suffered to understand my sorrows, and was resurrected - he lives - and when cancer kills me I will live again too.  I will have my family with me forever.